Category: Singles Spit Swap
Is it no wonder people can't take one another seriously on this board and why people can get made fun of for posting? I mean, just ponder it for a moment..lol..
But truthfully, I feel that if one does not put him or herself out there the potential for finding the half that makes you whole will greatly decrease.
We all have must haves..Here are some of mine:
1. The man must be a Christian, someone that doesn't just, "talk the talk," but, "walk the walk."
2. Must want kids
3. Must have a good work or school ethic.
4. A good sence of humor!
5. No couch potatoes..Sometimes it's cool to do and whatnot to have a day to do nothing is so very nice..sometimes
So, what are some of your must haves?
Well I'm already married, but I have to say I fully agree with you about the board title. It just sounds rather .... well, gross I suppose.
Yeah..really. :)
I wonder if must-have lists are more likely to shut out potentially good people rather than keep out creeps and abusers and the like. Here's the problem with most people's approach to love, dating and romance. The big lie we're told is that we will meet a person who matches with all our preconceived ideals one day. The reality is that if you keep your mind and your options open, you'll meet somebody who may not make your list but will become your ideal in time and your lists will go into the recycle bin.
About the name of the board, its called an eliteration. Its when you use words that all start with the same letter, it makes it more memorable. Like if you say slid silently, it automatically sound better than if you say slid quietly. This is just a board name that happens to be an eliteration, and probably a little tongue in cheek.
Completely agree with Godzilla about the Must Have lists. don't get me wrong, we all must have some sort of standards. I'm sure most, if not all of us don't want to be cheated on, beaten and neglected, but those lists just seem to be too practical, if there is such a thing. Lol.
Hahaha! Fair enough. I had a few general musts (i.e. same faith, wants kids, etc.), but never really got too into the pickiness I know some people do. For almost a decade I was attracted to ONLY guys who played guitar. I didn't realize that my husband played until after we'd dated for a few months. Go figure. LOL
I think it's good to have standards, but I've known a few guys "AND" girls who have these really picky, impossible lists. And they wonder why they're still single. Know what you want, but don't limit yourself. That's what I say. Of course being with someone who you have absolutely nothing in common with probably won't end well either.
Yeah. I do actually agree that having the same faith is important, especially if the two faiths are extreme. For example, a moderate Christian might be able to make a relationship work with an agnostic, but a devout christian with an atheist probably wouldn't work.
Another critical issue is wanting kids or not, especially if one or both partners are very firm with their stance on kids. when I was little, I was absolutely sure I was going to be a mom some day. I acted it out in those little games of house all the time. However, now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to question that. Can I really handle the pressure of being completely responsible for the life of another human being? Would I be able to be at my best for them even during the most difficult times? I don't doubt my ability to love and care for them, but it's a lot different than babysitting, where you know that in a few hours, the parent will come take the pressure off of you. if the child is yours, they look up to you for everything; food, shelter, guidance, first impressions, everything. Kids you're just babysitting don't look to you for quite that much, and not all the time. In a way, I'm questioning whether or not I really want kids because I love them so much, I can't stand the thought of a child getting hurt under my care. So honestly, I could really go either way at this point. But I'm still young; I have plenty of time to decide. But when I do, I'm sure I will not be able to settle for a relationship where our desires differ in that way.
But should faith really matter? It's doubtfull that a person's religion would get in the way that much. I don't believe at all yet I've dated women who do and I've personally never had a problem. And, yes the board name reminds me of a make out room. Lol.
A sloppy make-out room. As for the question, I'm personally a supporter of not restricting one's self to dating within their religion. That said, it certainly makes things easier when you at least hold similar perspectives. Even if someone doesn't believe the way you do, if their outlook and morals are somewhat similar it can really help. Casually dating isn't so bad, it's when the relationship starts getting serious and you want to settle down that the problems can potentially start. That said there are instances where a relationship works. I think if you care about someone enough and are willing to put in the effort to communicate, understand and support one another, it can get easier. Unfortunately it seems whether you're the same religion or not, North Americans today seem much less willing to make a relationship work. It's easier to give up and move on. This is a blanket statement, and I use North America as a backdrop for it because that's where I live.
I think the faith question ties into a lot of things. Are you a person who holds pretty strict and rigid views on things or are you able to compromise with others or can you even agree to disagree and just try not to discuss the subject. I can really only discuss this hypothetically as my wife and I aren't very religious, especially me since I've shifted from agnostic to atheist.
It's possible that faith may never come up much.
Somehow I doubt that, unless neither partner has any firm strength in their beliefs.
so, you believe in celebrating Christmas and having a tree and all that. your partner doesn't. you've got a kid. What do you do? How do you compromise? Usually, people will say that religion doesn't matter, but ask them in which religion their kids will be raise, and watch the sparks fly as the discussion heats up.
My getting a christmas tree has only to do with what I've grown up with. Religion plays no part.
It's easy to say people will not raise their children with either religion (or not) in mind, that they may choose for themselves when they get older. Unfortunately there are some problems with that too. I think it's why many religions encourage (an important word) their members to remain with people inside their own faith. Not because it can't be done, but because it bypasses a lot of potential issues. I imagine it's less of a concern for religions which don't ask anything from their members, but even there there may be potential conflicts.
Agreed with Anthony. If there are no kids, you might be all right. Bring kids into the picture, and you have a whole other set of standards and views on your hands.
Oh sure, well kids complicate things.
That's quite true. It's why I'm glad the only child I have is of the furry variety.
right-o
And he behaves enough like an actual child as it is.
I will not date anyone who wants to have children, is a vegan or conservative/Republican. Also, if I find out someone has a mental disorder such as bipolar, they are out!
I'm fine with dating people of other denominations or religions, as long as they do not try to make me attend services with them, or openly bash my beliefs.
Well, if someone was bipolar or depressed or something, you might not know it in the early stages of a relationship. You'll probably end up really falling for them before they open up enough to let you in on things like that, if they've been diagnosed with a disorder. If they haven't, or refuse to get help, that's something else entirely. But if a person is doing all they can to control a disorder, and it's a matter of a chemical imbalance that they can't always control, that's a little harsh to write them off when they're probably a good person. But to each their own I guess.
I guess I have a prejudice because I was raised by someone who has bipolar and does not take medication, and that bitch is crazy and does not come close to what I think a good person might be! When you refuse to take medication and choose to let the disorder take over, that is not right. I do not want or need that in a significant other.
And if someone has some kind of chemical imbalance or disorder, I think it is okay to decide you don't want to date them. I personally feel that dealing with moodiness and sporadic bouts of anger or depression is unnecessary and ridiculous. I don't have to, so I won't.
Eventually, you find out people have things like this, and when you do, you should run!
As I said, refusing to take medication is one thing. Being unaware of your disorder and lashing out and hurting others is also unacceptable. But people who do take medication, and slip and forget one day, or who have to go through medication adjustments that may or may not change their moods for a few weeks, should be given a chance. But if you lived with someone like that, I can understand your prejudice. I don't agree with it, but it does make sense.
Wouldn't date someone who is bipolar sounds really ignorant to me. I know many people with it and I have no problems with them. My sister is bipollar does that mean she doesn't deserve to have anyone?
I completely agree with Fire and Rain here. if they're doing all they can to control it, and as long as they are aware that their behavior can be difficult at times in the meantime, I don't see why exceptions can't be made. But by the same token, if they're playing the victim role, making no effort to try to control themselves, and don't understand why you're having a hard time dealing with them, then of course I can understand leaving the relationship.
No, I am not saying that people who have bipolar disorder don't deserve to be with anyone. I am saying that I will never date someone who has bipolar disorder. As I have said, I have a prejudice because I was raised by someone who has this, and that was enough for me.
I don't even trust the medication thing because there's the chance that one day, they might think they no longer need the meds because they have it under control. I'm not sticking around for that day.
you'll never find a person the way you're going, just get a stuffed doll from the sounds of it, they conform exactly to what you want no matter what it is you think you want a certain day. no human is perfect by any means.
That's taking to extremes, is it not? she says she won't date someone with bipolar disorder. that's it. I've seen people say they wouldn't date people with red hair, or weigh over 200 pounds, or who make under $30000 a year. yes. These can all be the standards of one person. those are the people who need to seek a mate in a stuffed doll. If I told you that I won't date alcoholics, are you going to respond by telling me to get a doll? I don't agree with everyone's standards of what they're looking for in a mate, but if the person only has one, I'm sure they can find someone.
I must say, I wholeheartedly agree with Jess and Raven. I don't think choosing not to date someone who's bipolar is narrow minded at all. let's face it, even if they regularly take their medication, I'm almost positive the day will come when they stop doing so cause they think they can manage it on their own.
if anything, outlooks such as ours should be seen as respectable cause we aren't afraid to admit our limitations. I'm by no means saying those people don't deserve anyone; rather, that I'm not the one for them.
Both sides to this have points. If you have had xperience with an extreme form of untreated bi-polar, it is also a security issue as well. There's always going to be something in the back of your mind that says "What if h'she becomes like my mother/sister/brother."
I can understand the feeling however if everyone shared that view you'd see a lot of lonely bipolars. I'm sorry but I find that horribly ignorant. Not everyone with the illness has the same level of it. It's no less ignorant than a sighted person not wanting to date a blind person because one blind person they met wasn't nice to them.
I didn't say it was right, but more understandable.
Exactly. going back to my example of alcoholism, once again, everyone deserves someone, and some people are going to say, but how can an alcoholic recover if someone won't give them a chance? Well, because they need to be strong willed enough to want to on their own. and let's be honest. if I came to any of you and said, Hey, guys? guess what? I'm with this dude, who's an alcoholic, but he's really great, and he's trying to recover, would you be thrilled with me?
As for bipolar people, if they really do have their disorder under control, it shouldn't be at all obvious that they have it, and they certainly shouldn't be blaming any outburst on it. I'm not saying that I, like Raven, would cut and run if I found out my special someone had bipolar, but that would also depend on the manner in which it was brought up. If I found out because we were having an honest conversation one day, and they told me that so I would know they weren't just popping pills every day, I would probably give them a chance. But if I found out as a result from a raging argument, I probably would not.
With your example I would say as long as he treated you right, so be it.
Are you kidding me right now? You know what I associate with alcoholism? This is coming from a woman whose mother was once a drug addict. This is what I associate with alcoholics: violent, depressed, broke (hmm, wonder why), careless, and maybe even jobless. An alcoholic will only treat you right when they are not around, and if that is not the case, they will only treat you right some of the time, and hurt you in one way or another the rest of the time. Addicts will wrong and disappoint just about everyone in their lives, and if someone said to me: "Hey, I'm dating this great guy, but he's an alcolic." I would say: "Wow, you know beastiality is illegal right?"
Raven, I'm sorry to know you have such a nasty view of alcoholics. as ocean dream Jess said in other posts, they, too, are human. if a person (no matter their addiction) wants a more fulfilling life for themselves, they can and likely will attain it. sure they'll always be classified as alcoholics, but it's how they handle their addiction that makes all the difference.
Chelsea, people who have addictions are not themselves, I know you know that. I would not date someone with an addiction because that is just too damn risky. I have heard to many stories, and have personal experience with being endangered, stolen from, and put in dangerous situations, and brought around dangerous people because of an addiction. If someone was once an addict, I will note it, but I would not leave them because of that. But I would not date an addict, because they don't have their shit straight, not that I have my life established yet, but I'm taking care of myself as best I can and am spending my money on things I need. I cannot trust a person with an addiction because they are in the grip of a disease. The addiction controls them and under its influence, they will say or do anything they need to in order to get their fix and get other people off their backs about it.
The beastiality thing was just a joke, but addicts do behave similar to other animals because they act only to fulfill their desire, they do not look at the bigger picture. That is how other animals live.
It's one thing to date an alcoholic who's been sober for years, though I do like my occasional social drink, which could create problems. But the point is, whether it's alcoholism, or people who are bipolar, having a disease or a disorder is one thing. Letting it control you, as is the case with addicts who are still using, is just something I can't deal with in terms of a relationship.
I wouldn't date someone who doesn't have their life together where alcoholism/drugs are concerned, either, but I still stand by what I said.
I've had bad experiences as well, but am I gonna let them ruin choosing to give someone my heart who desperately wants and is working to change for the better? hell no. that's just me, though.
And I also wouldn't date someone who is narrow-minded. If a person is trying to get their life together why let them suffer alone. You really need to think outside the box sword of safire.
But I would not give my heart to someone who is still an addict. If they are going to rehab and trying to get their life right, I still won't date them because rehab is not guaranteed to work for everyone all of the time. It's okay to be a little picky about who you choose to share yourself with. I am not so desperate to find a significant other that I would hand my heart to someone who is not in a good place in their life at the time. I have way too much going for me to trust an addict with my self, property, and finances.
It's one thing to choose not to date someone who is already an addict, it is another to choose to end a relationship with someone who became an addict after you entered into a relationship with that person. I would hope that for the latter situation, I could be there to support that person during their tough times, but on the other hand, it is hard to swim with a rock tied to both ankles, and so I just might cut that person loose. Everyone has their imperfections, but I believe I deserve someone who can put their all or most of themselves into a relationship with me instead of some drug.
Sword of Sapphire, I totally agree with you.. I used to have this friend who was both an alcoholic and drug addict, and I tell you, that bitch was one of the craziest lunatics I ever met! She would be nice and fun to hang out with one minute, and having fits and tantrums the next like a 12 year old, and she was older than I am and still living with her mother. She would offer to do things on a certain day, then completely forget all about whatever she offered to do because she couldn't get out of bed for days or even a week at a time, and she didn't have the decency to tell me she couldn't do them. She was also on a bunch of prescription drugs as well, and was selling those or exchanging them for other stuff.. She would do this right in front of me sometimes.. all of her friends I met were addicts too, and their behavior was just like hers. So, being around addicts just doesn't appeal to me, it is dangerous and could lead to a lot of trouble, and I sure as hell would never knowingly date one!
i agree. there's a huge difference between being someone's lover, and their counselor. A loving relationship, whether it's romantic, or even just friends, should be equal give and take. Let's just be honest. Until the addict has recovered, there's not much they can give you besides appreciation, and only if their recovery is going really well, otherwise, most are just going to see you as getting in their way.
that's exactly the point I've been trying to make, Jess.
We all fall on hard times. I hope that thoughs of you who say they want nothing to do with those sorts of people are never cut off just because you have an issue.
Now, when did we say we want nothing to do with those sorts of people? we just said we wouldn't date them. if anything, if you're an addict who's trying to recover, and you meet someone who says they want to wait until you're clean before they'll date you, that should be some motivation for you, should it not?
@Margorp I understand we all fall on hard times, but please explain to me how you can honestly look at a drug addict or alcoholic as an ideal significant other. Feed me stories about the wonderful things you've heard these people do for their family members, friends, and significant others while they were in the grip of their addiction.
I really can't believe someone is actually defending addicts, people who commit a multitude of other crimes just to fuel their addictions.
I am not saying these people don't need emotional support; they do. But really, that is all you can give them from a distance. If you live with or provide money for these people, they will simply use you. But perhaps you have experiences that cause you to believe otherwise?
I have to agree with Raven here. I have lots of standards on who I will and will not date. For example, i won't date someone I feel is stupid. I don't like stupid people. I won't date someone who is grossly overweight, I don't find it attractive.
Why is it so wrong to have standards/? And saying that if everyone felt that way, they would be alone, is just a weak argument. Doing something because if everyone didn't do it, bad things would happen, is dumb. You're seriously going to do something simply because if every one of the billions of other people don't do it, bad things will happen. Trust me, for every Raven out there who won't date a bipolar person, there are several who don't really care that much.
I really don't see what's so wrong with saying that you won't date someone with a specific characteristic. Will you date someone you know is a serial killer, or someone who has a past record of raping their significant others? Would you date someone who is abusive, or someone who is lazy, doesn't shower, and has no way to support themselves other than you? I seriously hope your answer to all of these was no.
If they aren't working to help themselves then of course I wouldn't date them. However, if they are really making the effert then fine.
Ah, see, you have standards. If everyone thought like you about people who have no jobs and aren't trying to get one, they'd all be alone. Just like you accused raven of. Aren't double standards fun boys and girls?
Do you know that you are a pain in the ass? lol! Of course we all have standards...that was not what I was griping about.
@Margorp I would say that was exactly what you were griping about. You have basically made negative comments toward me on at least two occasions about choosing not to date someone with a mental disorder such as bipolar or for having a drug addiction. You have reacted as though I have said: "I won't date a guy who has divorced parents, or a guy who has credit card debt."
every time I read one of your posts, I feel like I'm dreaming. You're basically defending drug addicts, have even said that you would approve of someone choosing an addict for a partner, and have provided horrible examples to back up your point concerning dating a person with bipolar.
I don't know much about you, but I would love to find out the stories you've heard or the experiences you've had of drug addicts not committing crimes and disappointing friends and loved ones.
Raven, I think you're missing the entire point margorp is trying to make. he isn't saying, "hey everyone, you should date an alcoholic so he/she won't ever be lonely". rather, he's advocating the need for understanding amongst humans that if an addict has gotten their life together, they should be given a chance just as you would I'm sure want done for you if you had naively made a bad decision in life.
Chelsea, Raven already aluded to what you wrote in your last post. It looks like she's saying "I won't get involved with someone recovering." Which makes sense. By definition, someone who's worked threw the addiction, and is no longer slave to it, wouldn't be an addict.
with additions, it is a life long battle. They are always recovering if they want to be fair about it.
This is true. an alcoholic, for example, will always be an alcoholic, even when they're sober. and it can be very difficult because sometimes the smell or the sight of it alone can be enough to send them into a relapse. As such, most of them need to avoid social situations where drinking is involved, with few exceptions. I'm not sure what the statistics are in terms of the number of people who relapse and start drinking again compared to those who start using more serious drugs again. i would venture the guess that drug addictions are a lot more difficult to recover from, but easier to stay out of once one is clean, but I could be totally wrong. In any event, would I give an addict who is clean a chance? yes, but I would also be very cautious, and if they relapse, I'm not sticking around. I've personally witnessed the dangers that can come with slipping up a second time. not from a boyfriend, but from a relative.
Chelsea, I never said I would not give an ex-addict a chance. If you read my posts clearly, I always said I would not choose to date an addict or a addict going through rehab. I already stated my reasons why, so I won't restate them in this post.
It is clear that you and I have interpreted Margorp's posts differently. As far as I can see, it seems that Margorp is saying it is unfair to not give someone who is "trying" to recover a chance. I believe that's nonsense. I think it is more than okay to decide I don't have to take on that problem. Everyone comes with their own issues, but drug addiction is very serious.
And chelsi seemed to pay more attention to mine. I am simply saying to think. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were placed in the shoes of those with whoom you do not want to give a chance.
I cannot place myself in the shoes of a drug addict or a guy who has bipolar. I don't know what it is like to experience either of those things.
I don't have to put myself in those people's shoes because I know I currently possess characteristics that some men don't find attractive or just would not date me because of them. I'm sure their are guys who wouldn't date me because I'm blind, black, too outspoken, over opinionated, have black rather than blonde hair, am too thin for their liking, and so on. How do I feel about that? I really don't care because I know there are people out there who wouldn't refuse me because of those characteristics. Obviously, everyone doesn't have this same attitude.
You are missing the point. You say that you cannot place yourself in another's shoes simply because you do not know what it is like to be them. Of course we all can't "know" every situation, but we need to take some time to think about it. You speek of characteristics later on in your post, but I am talking about the person underneath all of that. Maybe guys don't like your hair color, maybe they find you to thin--but those things are superficial. I'm not suggesting that you go find a drug dealer to settle down with, rather, I am inviting you to look outside yourself.
I'll add to margorp's last post: saying you can't put yourself in someone's shoes cause you've never been through it is a piss poor way to weasel out of this. it's called empathizing; guess some of us are better at it than others.
And I will add the following:
Shame on you.
We've all got our standards and opinions about who we are and are not willing to get involved with; it's not really a bad thing, we're individuals, we're all different, we've all been through different situations in our lives. And, it's better to set high standards than have low or no standards at all, in my opinion.
All correct. However, what is a bad thing is not knowing how to empathize. This is just one of the many things wrong with humanity.
Shame me all you like, but I still cannot identify or relate to a person with a drug addiction or bipolar disorder. I cannot relate to them because I don't understand them. I don't understand what causes bipolar disorder. What makes a person so violent? Selfish? Unable to use logic? So angry? Nor do I understand drug addiction. I understand that people deal with their problems differently, but I don't understand why some people choose drugs over another method of dealing. Some point at genes, environment, and other things, but that does not enable me to identify with a person who chooses a life of death. Just because someone thinks drugs is the easiest way out, I'm somehow supposed to condone or understand their behavior? I don't think so.
Would you say I am unable to empathize as well if I said the same about a racist, cereal killer, or a con artist?
I'm not going to sit here and pretend I can relate to all different types of people with different problems, when I know I cannot. I understand I share with these people the characteristic of existing as a human being. I have the view that it sucks balls to be in their positions; but it also sucks to be the person targeted by their addiction/disorder. If you find that you can relate to an addict or person with bipolar more than I can, then great. But I've had dealings with and have been hurt and disappointed on multiple occasions by such people, and so my life experiences have taught me not to become close with such individuals. Obviously, we don't share the same life experiences, so you don't have the same prejudices and standards I do. But with the few standards I have, I realize there are a number of people who are not addicts, don't have bipolar, and are not any of the other things I said I would turn down, and so I am not the least bit concerned about finding a potential significant other.
I never said I could not look outside myself. I will admit that there are certain frames of mind which I cannot comprehend. I don't think that's ground for the claim that I do not know how to empathize.
But not beeing able to relate is what putting yourself in a person's shoes is all about. I can't relate to your ignorants but I try. I've tried for quite a while and goodness knows it gives me a headake. Well I'm still trying and I am learning the following:
Much of your response can be do to your age. When I was yunger I found it tough to look outside of myself. Another factor could be that beeing raised by someone with bipolar made you think, "this is how "thees" people are. Maybe druggies are like that--after all, they are out of control!" See what I did? I took the time to figure you out rather than cursing you out which is what I believe most would do. That is called empathy.
Honestly, I thought the purpose of these boards was to share our thoughts, views and opinions on topics, not to be critical or judgmental of others opinions on things. As I said before, we're unique individuals, we all have our own set of beliefs, values, standards, goals etc. We've all had different experiences that have helped shaped who we are as individuals. I, too, have my own set of standards as to who I will and will not choose to date or get involved with because of my experiences and situations I've been in. Trust me, with over 7 billion people on this crazy planet, I'm sure very few if any people will have a hard time finding someone, no matter what their standards are.
And Margorp, I see your side of this argument, but I do not agree with it. I do not think that every person who can empathize is able to relate to every kind of person in existence. I just don't think that's possible. I have been exposed to at least four or five people with bipolar and none of them ever made an intimate relationship with such an individual appear appealing. It would be absolutely stupid for me to go against my experiences of these people that have always proven my predictions or prejudices correct. Would you not believe it stupid for me to say to myself: "Well, every time I drink soda, I get an infection, but it tastes so good, so I'll just continue to drink soda." Maybe you wouldn't because all sodas aren't the same, some sodas have different properties than others, and maybe if I water down the soda I won't get an infection, or maybe it is better if I drink it flat.
No matter how ignorant you or anyone else thinks it is that I refuse to date a recovering addict or a person with bipolar, I still hold these standards. I believe there is someone for everyone, but that someone is most definitely not me.
And, at the end of the day, whether you agree with the standards of said person or not, what can you do? Force them to date against their will? That's not how that works, and you would be doing both people a disservice anyway by trying. I'm not saying any of you who disagree with Raven would attempt that, but somehow I doubt accusing her of not being able to empathize is going to change her ultimate opinion. and if it did, she really wouldn't have had those standards to begin with.
I am not disrespecting your opinion or judging. I was just making a point. We are all free to date who we want. I guess I was a bit shocked when you allowed your prejudices to get the best of you.
So again, there is absolutely no one you wouldn't date? You'd be perfectly willing to have children with a woman who killed her children last time? You'd be willing to move in with a person who has a track record of stealing his roommates things?
we have standards for a reason. They are lessons we learn through past experiences. World War II taught us that hitler was kind of an asshole. Its ok to say that, Hitler really was kind of an asshole. We can make that decision based on that whole killing a whole lot of people thing.
Raven, and I'm assuming a little of this, feel free to correct me Raven if I'm wrong, has had several bad experiences with people who take drugs. So Raven went, "You know, I don't really think I want that in my life". So then Raven decided to not date anyone who had those characteristics.
Now you're getting all bent out of shape because they are things which a person might not be able to control. You obviously can't control having a mental disorder. However, I still wouldn't date them. I simply don't want to have to deal with that. I won't sleep with a girl who doesn't shave her legs either, or one who doesn't shower, or one who speaks ebonics. I'm not prejudice, in any other circumstance I wouldn't care about those things, I just won't date that girl. I'll be friends with a girl who doesn't shave her legs, and i'll hold a door open for a girl who doesn't take showers, and I'll give directions to a girl who speaks ebonics. But I won't date them.
I'm sure Raven would probably give directions to a drug addict, or maybe hold a door open for them, but she won't date them.
Just like you, would probably not have children with the woman who killed her children, and would not move in with the guy who has a history of stealing from his roommates. Right?
as margorp, I, too, was simply making a point. sure we all have standards; some just aren't so extreme. to each their own, though.
Silver lightning, you clearly did not read my posts clearly. We all have standards. Myself included! However, I can cut the crap and see the inner person. No I wouldn't date a murderer...no need to get so extrime.
But murders have an inner person, too. Ever wonder what hell a murderer has been through to make them want to resort to killing people? Maybe they just want someone to love, too. But you wouldn't risk getting to know that inner person, would you? the same logic applies. Extreme? Very. But still the same logic.
Thank you, Jess and cody!
You are right, of course murderers are people to. Hell, you don't just pop out murdering people. And I guess if there was some way I could be certain a killer was rehabilitated then I'd think about dating them. They wouldn't be my first choice. lol. I'm not saying it's bad to have standards.
Just an aside, folks: using murderers in this sort of debate is stupid, as a murderer has proven themselves capable (and maybe even willing) of murder. This means that, instead of risking stuff like losing your money or being in an unhealthy relationship, you risk perhaps being killed. Big, big difference, so I think the use of murderers and other such extremes ought to stop in the name of honest discussion.
As to the topic itself: I understand but do not necessarily agree with some of the prejudices I've seen here. People who smoke cigarettes or drink two bottles of soda a day are addicts of a sort, who use money (albeit far less than more high-end drug addicts do) in order to continue their addiction. The same can be said of compulsive coffee-drinkers as well for that matter, depending on how they happen to get their fix. It really comes down, in my opinion, to what was being used and how far it went. Someone who smoked a lot of weed and spent a good amount of time not doing a whole hell of a lot is probably a good deal more redeemable than a person with a three-year heroin jones that didn't kill them outright. I'm not saying either is damned, or that both should be accepted with open arms and no doubts at all, but there is something to be said for the substance being abused and the lengths to which the addiction has thus far gone.
As for psychological disorders, I can understand a person not wanting to be part of that. It's sad, but it's really no surprise. Some people just aren't up to that sort of stress; this doesn't mean that the person suffering the disorder has done something wrong, it just means that compatibility is going to be difficult between someone who gets frustrated or impatient easily and someone who's bipolar and sometimes tough to deal with.
Back to the truly original topic, I don't really have a long list of "must have" qualities in a partner. I have a few very strong preferences, but if the circumstances were right I might be able to bend one or more of them:
1. no smoking - I intensely dislike the smell, and wouldn't want to experience the taste, as I find it rather off-putting.
2. No ultra-religiousness - I'm an agnostic with a fairly open mind, but I cannot tolerate being preached at, especially not from a partner; besides, the harangues about how we raise the kids, should I ever have any, are too big a leap
3. Sense of humour - I have to see at least a bit of this; life's too short not to laugh at it, and relentless seriousness is not how I want to spend what time I have with a partner.
We certainly aal do have standards. I never thought of soda adicts. lol